All Grown Up!

As many of you probably know every job that i've ever had has been working with children. There is one day care that I worked at twice because I loved the kid as so much, The Montessori School of Augusta. Among all the children I took care of there was one in particular that I really bonded with, Aidan Rowe. That boy was my baby, my lil man, my monkey. The first time I worked at MSA Aidan had just turned one, and I worked with him and the other one year olds for three months before I left to go away to an out of town college. The out of town college didn't pan out, when I came back I ended up back at MSA for a while. Sure enough I came back and Aidan was in my room again for a bit. He had grown so big! One day I got taking to his mom, Kate and began babysitting for them. I became almost like the nanny for Aidan and his 4 year old sister Cheyenne. I remember the first time I worked at MSA I used to question Aidan's home life because sometimes he would come in the morning with a wet diaper, one time his diaper actually burst all over the floor because it hadn't been changed in so long. One week Kate and Cheyenne went to Disney World leaving Aidan at home with his dad, Michael. Every day that week he came in right when they opened and wouldn't leave until the daycare closed. One day he came in without shoes. He spent the whole entire day without shoes. But once I began babysitting for Kate I slowly started to understand why things were the way they were. You see Michael was in the military and he really didn't take parenting serious. I mean he was deployed so sometimes it was understandable, but when he was deployed he wasn't concerned with calling every chance he could, and even when he was home he was disinterested and very unattached.Kate was spread so thin I honestly don't know how she did it at all. She worked almost more than full time hours with Michael deployeshd in Iraq, she had no family or friends to help her. She told me that she used to be in the military and that she had been in a helicopter accident that left her with these migraines that would last days. I can't imagine how hard it must be to have a husband that never helps out and no family or friends in town to help you out. I got a text from a friend of mine yesterday who still works at MSA it was a picture with the caption saying Look whose back at MSA! A picture of my lil man Aidan in a yellow rain coat. He's gotten so big! I think about him all the time and I wish I still had the joy of taking care of him. I will always remember him as my little monkey.

time for a new begining

Lately i've been moody and having a hard time staying positive although all the things in my life are being laid in my lap. i'm getting married in June to someone who loves me dearly, i got a job subing at a day care so I could better pull my weight when Steven and I get married, we have a honeymoon booked for 7 days in Asheville, wedding plans are tucking along(im meeting with a photographer tomorrow)! I don't know where this weird inability to be happy came from but i'm tired of sitting in the passenger seat hoping hoe will pull over and let me drive soon. So I am going to take the wheel and gain control again. I know i'm not perfect but it wouldn't kill me to try! Lol. Well, when you're eyes roll in to the back of you're head it usually means something. night

My Better Half!

So, Steven and I have been together just over 9 months now, and it's been the best 9 months of my life! Steven is the most amazing fiance anyone could ever wish for, he is kind, caring, he is my provider and my other/better half. You know it's love when you think about you're life without that person and couldn't fathom how horrible it would be. Being away from Steven for a day is hard enough, life without him would be impossible. Not only is steven my other half, but he is my better half. Steven makes me want to be a better person, a better student, a better lover, a better everything. Every day I wake up with a desire to be the best fiance and lover I can be. I hope that I can be all that Steven deserves and more. When we get married I want to take on the roles that I should as a wife so that I can make things as easy as I can for Steven. I love him so much, he is what keeps me going.

The juggling act

Well, Christmas was my absolute favorite holiday but now that I am engaged I think that’s beginning to change. Steven and I are going through the whole issue of juggling the families. Christmas eve is a night where all of the Drake’s(Steven’s mothers family) all get together and have dinner and spend quality family time. Well my mom was kind of upset because she wanted us to come to the Christmas eve service so Steven and I are compromising and going to that before going to see his family. Christmas day is even more complicated.My family has had this tradition where we invite a few close family friends from church, the neighborhood, or just old friends over for a 2 o’clock lunch and just an afternoon of relaxing and talking. Well Steven’s family has all the children come over to open presentss around the same time. So now I am going over to Steven’s house around 9 or so to spend a little bit of time with Steven and his parents before I scurry home to help prepare for our guests. Then, later on in the evening when Steven is done with his family he will come over to my house to spend some time with us. I am exhausted just talking about it. I hope next year will be easier since we will be married and  hopefully we can plan a little better and at least we will be unified the whole day. It will take time for us to adjust but I think we will.

Bitter

Where to start,the beginning I guess. So, for some reason true friends have been hard to come by for me. I am very quick to trust and I have always been very outgoing and friendly. I guess you could say I made quick friendships, but not lasting ones. Sometimes I am foolish and try to keep friendships going that have fizzled. Two of those friendships that I have tried so hard to hold onto are actually girls I have asked to be in my wedding. One girl is a friend that I had made at my home church, the other a friend from high school. My friend from high school is a little easier to dismiss because really there has been absolutely no contact between us. I have found it is so much easier to let friendships fade away with out confrontation rather than being confronted with hurt and pain of a failed friendship. My friend from church is another story, a harder and more painful one. I sometimes go to this church with my mother for special occasions and services so there are times where I will see her and her family, which makes it even harder. I asked the girls I wanted to be my bridesmaids in June when Steven proposed. Just a week ago I saw my bridesmaid’s mother who didn’t even know I was engaged, let alone her daughter was to be one of my bridesmaids…and that…that really hurt. I don’t know why, but even though I knew I was losing her as a friend I wanted to hold on, I was hoping asking her to be a bridesmaid would kind of renew our friendship. I thought she would be excited and happy that I had asked her to be in the wedding and that it would be a way for us to bond….but not the case. See when my matron of honor, Grace asked me to be one of her bridesmaids I was just gushing I was telling everyone and I felt like it was such an honor that she asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. Her other bridesmaids were the same way, calling her, asking her how they could help. We all went to look at bridesmaid dresses together. Grace wasthe only ones who went to look at bridesmaid dresses with me. I could speculate that maybe she felt like she had to say yes, but I really don’t know….all I know is now I have to have a difficult talk without being a total you know what. I am very bitter about this situation but I am so so SO thankful for my fiance. I really have become content in only having one true best friend and I am so blessed that this best friend is also my lover. It’s just hard because the traditional wedding has bridesmaids and groomsmen. Idk…. Advice is welcome… One more thing. I know I am bitter about the situation but I do want to say that these two girls are kind individuals and I am sure they are great friends to someone, just that someone is not me

It's a new day

Yesterday Steven and I had a talk about the realities of the up and coming months and about how we need to be preparing for marriage. I have been blessed and fortunate my whole life to have parents who have pretty much done everything for me. While it has been a blessing the downside is that I haven’t really had to mature as much as others. I am also still young and I am still discovering who I am. Steven on the other hand is 26 and has had time to mature and discover who he is. So, last night was a wake up call for me. I have a lot of maturing and work to do in the next 6 months. Steven also brought up the point that often times I can be quite demanding and tend to complain about stupid little things, while he often holds his tongue over issues that he stresses about that are actually important. I have to agree that I have failed at this and I should be more sensitive to his needs and feelings. As my title indicates, today is a new day and today is the day that I want to start doing these things and become a better fiance now so when the day comes I can be the wife that Steven deserves.

Hello world

Well, hello guys! Its December 19,2010… not too long before Christmas will be here! Christmas I by far my favorite holiday and winter is my favorite season(although I’m not too fond of the chapped lips and the dry skin). I think what excites me most this year is that I have such an amazing man to share Christmas with this year! This will be my last Christmas before I get married and it is so exciting to say! Ever since I can remember, my dream has been to find my perfect man, marry him, settle down, eventually have kids and raise them! In 6 months I will have one, no two things scratched off that list! I am so fortunate to have met Steven and I feel blessed to be his fiance! I feel like I am rambling and I have a headache. It is late so I am gunna get some sleep.