Bitter

Where to start,the beginning I guess. So, for some reason true friends have been hard to come by for me. I am very quick to trust and I have always been very outgoing and friendly. I guess you could say I made quick friendships, but not lasting ones. Sometimes I am foolish and try to keep friendships going that have fizzled. Two of those friendships that I have tried so hard to hold onto are actually girls I have asked to be in my wedding. One girl is a friend that I had made at my home church, the other a friend from high school. My friend from high school is a little easier to dismiss because really there has been absolutely no contact between us. I have found it is so much easier to let friendships fade away with out confrontation rather than being confronted with hurt and pain of a failed friendship. My friend from church is another story, a harder and more painful one. I sometimes go to this church with my mother for special occasions and services so there are times where I will see her and her family, which makes it even harder. I asked the girls I wanted to be my bridesmaids in June when Steven proposed. Just a week ago I saw my bridesmaid’s mother who didn’t even know I was engaged, let alone her daughter was to be one of my bridesmaids…and that…that really hurt. I don’t know why, but even though I knew I was losing her as a friend I wanted to hold on, I was hoping asking her to be a bridesmaid would kind of renew our friendship. I thought she would be excited and happy that I had asked her to be in the wedding and that it would be a way for us to bond….but not the case. See when my matron of honor, Grace asked me to be one of her bridesmaids I was just gushing I was telling everyone and I felt like it was such an honor that she asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. Her other bridesmaids were the same way, calling her, asking her how they could help. We all went to look at bridesmaid dresses together. Grace wasthe only ones who went to look at bridesmaid dresses with me. I could speculate that maybe she felt like she had to say yes, but I really don’t know….all I know is now I have to have a difficult talk without being a total you know what. I am very bitter about this situation but I am so so SO thankful for my fiance. I really have become content in only having one true best friend and I am so blessed that this best friend is also my lover. It’s just hard because the traditional wedding has bridesmaids and groomsmen. Idk…. Advice is welcome… One more thing. I know I am bitter about the situation but I do want to say that these two girls are kind individuals and I am sure they are great friends to someone, just that someone is not me