My Better Half!

So, Steven and I have been together just over 9 months now, and it's been the best 9 months of my life! Steven is the most amazing fiance anyone could ever wish for, he is kind, caring, he is my provider and my other/better half. You know it's love when you think about you're life without that person and couldn't fathom how horrible it would be. Being away from Steven for a day is hard enough, life without him would be impossible. Not only is steven my other half, but he is my better half. Steven makes me want to be a better person, a better student, a better lover, a better everything. Every day I wake up with a desire to be the best fiance and lover I can be. I hope that I can be all that Steven deserves and more. When we get married I want to take on the roles that I should as a wife so that I can make things as easy as I can for Steven. I love him so much, he is what keeps me going.

The juggling act

Well, Christmas was my absolute favorite holiday but now that I am engaged I think that’s beginning to change. Steven and I are going through the whole issue of juggling the families. Christmas eve is a night where all of the Drake’s(Steven’s mothers family) all get together and have dinner and spend quality family time. Well my mom was kind of upset because she wanted us to come to the Christmas eve service so Steven and I are compromising and going to that before going to see his family. Christmas day is even more complicated.My family has had this tradition where we invite a few close family friends from church, the neighborhood, or just old friends over for a 2 o’clock lunch and just an afternoon of relaxing and talking. Well Steven’s family has all the children come over to open presentss around the same time. So now I am going over to Steven’s house around 9 or so to spend a little bit of time with Steven and his parents before I scurry home to help prepare for our guests. Then, later on in the evening when Steven is done with his family he will come over to my house to spend some time with us. I am exhausted just talking about it. I hope next year will be easier since we will be married and  hopefully we can plan a little better and at least we will be unified the whole day. It will take time for us to adjust but I think we will.

Bitter

Where to start,the beginning I guess. So, for some reason true friends have been hard to come by for me. I am very quick to trust and I have always been very outgoing and friendly. I guess you could say I made quick friendships, but not lasting ones. Sometimes I am foolish and try to keep friendships going that have fizzled. Two of those friendships that I have tried so hard to hold onto are actually girls I have asked to be in my wedding. One girl is a friend that I had made at my home church, the other a friend from high school. My friend from high school is a little easier to dismiss because really there has been absolutely no contact between us. I have found it is so much easier to let friendships fade away with out confrontation rather than being confronted with hurt and pain of a failed friendship. My friend from church is another story, a harder and more painful one. I sometimes go to this church with my mother for special occasions and services so there are times where I will see her and her family, which makes it even harder. I asked the girls I wanted to be my bridesmaids in June when Steven proposed. Just a week ago I saw my bridesmaid’s mother who didn’t even know I was engaged, let alone her daughter was to be one of my bridesmaids…and that…that really hurt. I don’t know why, but even though I knew I was losing her as a friend I wanted to hold on, I was hoping asking her to be a bridesmaid would kind of renew our friendship. I thought she would be excited and happy that I had asked her to be in the wedding and that it would be a way for us to bond….but not the case. See when my matron of honor, Grace asked me to be one of her bridesmaids I was just gushing I was telling everyone and I felt like it was such an honor that she asked me to be one of her bridesmaids. Her other bridesmaids were the same way, calling her, asking her how they could help. We all went to look at bridesmaid dresses together. Grace wasthe only ones who went to look at bridesmaid dresses with me. I could speculate that maybe she felt like she had to say yes, but I really don’t know….all I know is now I have to have a difficult talk without being a total you know what. I am very bitter about this situation but I am so so SO thankful for my fiance. I really have become content in only having one true best friend and I am so blessed that this best friend is also my lover. It’s just hard because the traditional wedding has bridesmaids and groomsmen. Idk…. Advice is welcome… One more thing. I know I am bitter about the situation but I do want to say that these two girls are kind individuals and I am sure they are great friends to someone, just that someone is not me

It's a new day

Yesterday Steven and I had a talk about the realities of the up and coming months and about how we need to be preparing for marriage. I have been blessed and fortunate my whole life to have parents who have pretty much done everything for me. While it has been a blessing the downside is that I haven’t really had to mature as much as others. I am also still young and I am still discovering who I am. Steven on the other hand is 26 and has had time to mature and discover who he is. So, last night was a wake up call for me. I have a lot of maturing and work to do in the next 6 months. Steven also brought up the point that often times I can be quite demanding and tend to complain about stupid little things, while he often holds his tongue over issues that he stresses about that are actually important. I have to agree that I have failed at this and I should be more sensitive to his needs and feelings. As my title indicates, today is a new day and today is the day that I want to start doing these things and become a better fiance now so when the day comes I can be the wife that Steven deserves.

Hello world

Well, hello guys! Its December 19,2010… not too long before Christmas will be here! Christmas I by far my favorite holiday and winter is my favorite season(although I’m not too fond of the chapped lips and the dry skin). I think what excites me most this year is that I have such an amazing man to share Christmas with this year! This will be my last Christmas before I get married and it is so exciting to say! Ever since I can remember, my dream has been to find my perfect man, marry him, settle down, eventually have kids and raise them! In 6 months I will have one, no two things scratched off that list! I am so fortunate to have met Steven and I feel blessed to be his fiance! I feel like I am rambling and I have a headache. It is late so I am gunna get some sleep.